Fragile Glass

There are so many things I haven’t done with my self or my abilities because of what other people might think of me, having been invariably “too much”, “too little” or “too - insert something else - here” that honestly, has very little to do with me at all. When I didn’t care what people thought - which is my most comfortable lane in life - I’ve then had to logistically care about it because someone older, wiser, smarter, or fundamentally in a position of authority (that implies all of the latter) guided me towards their judgement and away from my own. I mostly listened because I assumed they might know something I don't, and because quite significantly - it might threaten how I pay my bills otherwise. Every time I’ve ignored my intuition, & I mean every time, it has led me down paths I don’t want to navigate & that I don’t enjoy the hike of.

I wrote Fragile Glass about being at a point in my life where the level of dependency I had in my relationships was starting to make me feel claustrophobic and created an inability to be myself at the expense of potentially upsetting someone else. When I made a point of leaning into my authenticity with extreme conviction, I found a lot of my relationships collapsing - not because I’d done something wrong in them, but because I’d become so confident in my ability to make choices for myself, some of these people assumed the lack of my “need” of them, directly translated to a lack of want. That’s not my interpretive mistake, but I did suffer it.

I also noticed that when I wanted to have the full expression of my emotional landscape - being angry, sad, happy, playful, lustful (all the things) that I was at times being categorised into being “this type of person”, and my “fragility” was being assumed instead of there being any human awareness that we all have r a n g e. It drove me absolutely nuts for a time, to invariably be told “this is what you’re doing” when it absolutely - was not the case. Pair that with a lack of authentic & robust conversations that over time made me think “well what’s the point in being your self if it makes you an island?” I started dwindling in that confidence, and I found myself being less direct, less open & less like me over time. I found myself taking blame for things I didn’t do just because it absolved conflict, I found myself people pleasing (I really, really hate that for me) and I found myself feeling - and playing smaller and smaller, until I didn’t even recognise the height of my personality - which I have always been known for.

All of this is to say, that we all - deep down - know who we are, and I believe we also, know why we do things. We very rarely need to be told, and more often than not we actually just need authenticity around us as guidance for our own. This assumption that we need trifle layers of tentative support isn’t accurate, and if your relationships are surviving on a “they need me” basis, you might be confusing raising a child parentally with being yourself amongst your peers. Fragile Glass is a love letter to letting go of co dependence, and asking to be accepted in your fullness. Otherwise, accepting you’re in the wrong rooms, & you need to leave.

That’s a much better explanation than the one I gave at the Listen Up Australian songwriting comp' where I think I got lost in everyone else’s emotions & couldn’t find myself in the mix, but that’s it. That’s Fragile Glass. The music video is out today and it tells a story of two sisters who’re learning to let go of their childhood.

This was completely improvised, with not a single moment of choreography & the shoot was planned on the day and figured out in real time. I had a vision in my mind - irrespective of what some people might interpret as being “winging it”, artists tend to know what they’re doing, and why (we just don’t always have the time to stop and explain it at length and honestly, why would we want to lose all the mystery in the magic?).

It was beautifully shot by Wanagi Zable Andrews with invaluable shoot support from Axel Raboonik, featuring talented dancer Monique Humphries, and of course, myself.

For those of you who aren’t aware, I’m not only a singer-songwriter, I’m a trauma specialist and published researcher in the field of mental health. So if you needed assurance that it isn’t your job to emotionally regulate other people’s central nervous systems, please see this, as being just that.